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Sun

THE DARK SIDE

Illustrated Moon

Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk to you again... Just like light and dark, each MBTI type also has their own shadow and weakness, the very thing that gets most of them into trouble and causes them to get shun by others. Because of this, they may try to hide it from others, not wanting anyone else to know about it, fearing of appearing "weird" or "inappropriate". As the saying goes, the brighter the light burns, the darker the shadow is, therefore having a shadow isn't necessarily the end of the world. But, each type should learn to tame and take control of their shadows, instead of letting it ruin their lives and causing trouble for others.

 

The "shadow" we are talking about are the weakest preference that each type has. Their lack of that preference may cause them problems that only that particular type(s) has. But all types can learn to control their weaknesses as they grow up. Most importantly, we must remember that everyone doesn't get to choose their type and preferences, and we must learn to tolerate the shadows of each type, and give gentle advice to them if they loose control of their shadow.

The Weakest Preference of each Type and How to Care for them

Sensing

( Extraverted )

It's the preference that allows you to pay attention to your 5 senses, and the surroundings around you. If you're lacking in this preference, you may be "blur" and do not pay much attention to the world around you.

INFJ, INTJ 

  • Spend too much time in their head , are often disconnected from the external world

  • Can appear bookish or eccentric to the outside world

  • May not hear instructions or directions because they are busy thinking of something else or distracted by something unusual

  • Naturally see the big picture , tend to tune out when they hear too many details

  • Although intellectually ahead of their peers, they may master large motor skills a bit later than their peers

  • Fairly uncommon

  • Very stubborn , will not change their minds once they have made a decision

  • Easily misunderstood by the world around them

  • Bored quickly with repetitive or concrete tasks

  • Have a low threshold for outside stimulation, easily tired from being outside

  • Need a lot of time alone to recharge

  • Rarely persuaded to do things they don’t want to do or don’t believe in

  • May be hesitant to do something unless they can do it in depth

  • Always think that they are right, refuse to admit that they have made a mistake

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  • Give the child more time alone to recharge

  • And if they decide share their thoughts and feelings, parents must sit silently, listen and never offer any comment or advice

  • Be patient with them

  • Explain the purpose and basic parameters of what is needed or expected, then allow them to make their own decisions

  • Parents must support their unique ideas and visions

  • Must strike a balance between their needs ( their ideals ) and those of the rest of the world ( reality )

  • Minimise outside stimulation for them as much as possible

ENFP, ENTP

Sensing

( Introverted )

Introverted sensing is the preference that allows us to recall our previous memories and sensory experiences. People who lack it tend to forget things easily, and do not keep track of their surroundings, causing them to be messy and disorganised.

  • Chaotic, messy

  • Grow bored very quickly

  • Impatient

  • Seek constant interaction and engagement

  • Hate to be controlled by rules

  • Want to do things for themselves

  • Insist on doing things their way

  • Casual and relaxed, have trouble understanding the need to keep their rooms tidy or be on time

  • Hard to focus and concentrate

  • May take on too many projects that they can’t finish

  • Have bad work and study habits

  • Lack self-discipline, procrastinate a lot

  • Learn the benefit of project management thru the hard way

  • Difficult to establish and stick to priorities

  • Don’t grasp the concept of moderation until they are older

  • Hate to say no to an interesting opportunity

  • Can be overtired or sick for doing too much , as they are not naturally in tune to their bodies

  • Hate and avoid decision making

  • Can be defiant, impatient of weaknesses in others(and themselves), and critical

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  • ​​Be extremely precise about what you are asking, and exactly how you expect their behavior to be changed ( they are good at bending rules )

  • Give them more room to experiment with life

  • Their energy itself isn’t bad, don’t embarrass the child and make him/her thinking that their energy is bad

  • Give gentle reminders in a private and encouraging manner early in the process of asking them to get organised

  • Establish a limit for outside activities , help to eliminate options along the way

Intuition

( Introverted )

ESTP, ESFP

Introverted intuition manifests as our gut instincts and hunches, and those with this preference as their strongest preference will have good and accurate intuition. But those who lack it will be bad at understanding abstract concepts and theories and fail to plan for the future.

  • Don’t take anything seriously, so rules, limits and boundaries don’t affect them

  • Hate being limited or restrained in any way

  • No concept of moderation and self-discipline

  • Can act a bit rough when they get overly excited

  • Naturally impulsive

  • Do not think through their actions before they start something

  • May take physical risks

  • Can overeat sweet or fatty foods

  • Impatient, when they want something, they want it now

  • May have problems with endings, refuse to leave parties

  • Hard for them to follow rules and limits, prone to forget unclear rules and chores

  • Have high energy and short attention span, have a hard time sitting still

  • Hate school, think its too boring

  • Very aware of their bodies, take great pride in how they look , open about their bodies , curious about sex

  • Tempted to try new things and are easily persuaded by others to pull pranks or act on a dare

  • Deflect personal responsilbity and may be absolutely indignant if they are asked to do more than their share

  • May have trouble focusing on one task for very long

  • Highly distractable, hard to sit still

  • Have difficulty staying on schedule or complying with structure

  • Procrastinate

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  • Take action instead of lecturing them, as words have no meaning to them

  • But do not spank or be rough with them

  • Must be direct, explicit and exact in your directions

  • Need to be clear and consistent about important rules and limits

  • Try to minimize the limits as much as possible

  • Give them plenty of freedom and opportunites to solve their own problems

  • Use reward systems with tangible payoffs or ever-increasing incentives

Intuition (Extraverted)

ISTJ, ISFJ

It's the preference that allows us to see patterns and connections of the world around us, thus are good at brainstorming different ideas and seeing the bigger picture. Those who lack it are unable to understand and think of new ideas, and lack the ability to see the bigger picture.

  • Struggle to understand hidden meanings and motives, notice the facts and details but not what may be going on beneath the surface

  • Fear unconventional ideas

  • May be very upset by adrupt changes

  • Cannot have quick transitions from one activity or location to another

  • Dislike open-ended creative activities

  • Hesitant about new experiences, like to take in plenty of info before they participate- if they ever do

  • Very literal , and may be confused by vague directions and feel anxious when plans are left open for too long and expect the same level of precision form everyone else and are eager to point out any errors in fact

  • Don’t tend to be very flexible

  • See things as black or white

  • Confused by ambuiguity and frustrated by contradictions, must have clear or available answers

  • Turn down anything new

  • Hate changes , can freeze up in unpredictable situations or when quick changes are required, can be uncooperative and resistant

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  • Need help looking beyond the obvious to the possible

  • Provide lots of information about what the new experience will be like or how it is similar to familiar experiences

  • ​Remind them of how they faced and succeeded with a past challenge

  • Must have clear directions or guidance

  • Support their natural need for privacy and independence

  • Need things to be patiently and gently explained to them, giving them plenty of time to absorb and process the information

  • Can be persuaded with sequential and logical consequences, instead of scolding

  • Help break the abstract theory down into manageable steps

  • Avoid criticism and impatience

  • Need to show that you're on their side

  • Discuss with them what is bothering them - in private

INFP, ISFP

Thinking

( Extraverted )

This is the preference that allows us to separate our emotions from our thinking, thus making more fairer, objective and logical decisions. People who lack it tend to take things personally and are unable to separate facts from their feelings.

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  • Sensitive, take everything personally

  • Have no ability to remain objective in the face of criticism

  • Will cry , withdraw into silence, or hold stubborn grudges when scolded

  • Feel great anxiety and unbearable pressure from a parent’s irritation

  • Need to express their emotions in order to remain healthy

  • As young children, they seem to begin a lifelong tendency to suffer in silence

  • Hate people to invade their privacy, hate to be bossed around or bullied

  • Need time to recharge after being around other people

  • Least competitive, like cooperative games

  • Shaken and hurt by loud voices and scolding

  • Males are seen as sissy or weird 

  • Hard to motivate in school and at home 

  • Underachieve , do what is demanded and no more

  • Think school is boring, with its structure and rules , and not nearly as exciting enough to capture and keep their interest

  • Overwhelmed with long or complicated assignments

  • Don’t have a good sense of time, not punctual

  • Relaxed, often tune out and ignore the frantic bustling of those around them

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  • Honour and support their strong feelings

  • Need understanding, reassurance and love when they are hurt

  • Remember that the child isn’t consciously choosing to feel as he/she does, it is completely normal and natural , and most of them hate their own sensitivity too

  • Must be very specific in your expectations

  • Find ways to offer guidance and discipline that are gentle yet consistent

  • Maintain close physical contact and always use a quiet and non-threatening voice

  • Encourage them to trust themselves and pursue their interests and feelings with full faith and courage, so they can be less vulnerable to the criticism of people who don’t know them

  • Need continuos and genuine praise and support when they are stuck

ENFJ,ESFJ

Thinking (Introverted)

Introverted thinking is a preference that allows us to be analytical and logical. People with strong preferences of this will be able to understand and create complex systems, theories and projects. A lack of this preference will cause people to be extremely critical of themselves and others, and believe in flawed and incorrect logic and systems.

  • Can be deeply upset by seemingly innocent remarks of slight offenses

  • Easily hurt by the sharpness in an adult’s voice or by the aggressive behavior of peers , may cry easily

  • Can’t imagine themselves or others hurting each other intentionally

  • They are usually quick to forgive, as they have a strong desire to restore harmony​

  • Holding onto negative feelings is very hard for them , and releasing them is the only healthy reaction

  • They might do things they don’t really want to do in order to avoid hurting other’s feelings

  • Easily manipulated by guilt

  • May become very upset and overwhelmed by tension, stress or conflict they sense in others

  • Usually withdraw in order to avoid a confrontation

  • Cry easily and may be very upset about being left out or experiencing other minor slights

  • Very vulnerable to loud, angry or sharp voices 

  • Take everything personally and get their feelings hurt so easily

  • Can be overly involved in their friend’s problems and be deeply upset about it

  • Makes decisions that make others happy even if they don’t like to avoid hurting their feelings

  • Can be deeply hurt by great personal loss

  • Boys may find it more difficult than girls to freely express their genuine concern and physical affection 

  • Sensitive to criticism or corrections of themselves , takes them personally

  • Can waste time chatting with families or friends instead of doing their work

  • May appear to have no original opinions or none they are committed to

  • Need to fit in often overrides their own needs

  • Very negative, may be unable to see any possibility other than failure

  • Can hold grudges for long periods of time, but return to their loving attitude very quickly

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  • Need a lot of reassurance that everything will be ok 

  • Explain why a change is needed and listen to their feelings

  • Compliment them on their courage and express your pride in them

  • Must accept and acknowledge their emotions as valid , and let them know you’re on their side

  • Encourage them to choose and then stick with their choices

  • Use ‘we’ when persuading them to do something

INTP, ISTP 

 Feeling 

( Extraverted )

Extraverted feeling is needed for us to relate to other's feelings in order to communicate more effectively with others. People who are lacking in this preference will not be able to logically understand other's emotions, therefore may seem more stiff and cold. They also adhere less to societal expectations, relying more on their own internal standards instead.

  • Very remote and emotionally distant from their parents and families

  • Born with a thick skin, not affected by the opinions or emotions of others

  • Tend to be very honest –even blunt, unaware of the emotional impact their words or actions have on others

  • Not naturally empathetic

  • Not persuaded by anything but pure logic

  • Unaffected by rules, limits or even barriers

  • Can be difficult to motivate and get moving

  • Move along at their own pace, unaware and unconcerned about time, structure or the inconvenience they may be placing on their time

  • Many like to take physical risks

  • Don’t tend to be initiators of social contact

  • Tire from being around too many people and tend to retreat when they become worn out

  • Do not offer any information while others share the details of their day, and may not consider offering anything unless they are asked

  • Generally reluctant to risk exposing their vulnerabilities or insecuritires to their families

  • Unaffected and uninvolved with the world and people around them

  • Rarely take things personally and don’t seem to take anything very seriously unless it does affect them personally

  • Not primarily motivated to do things just to please others

  • Rarely tell others how they are feeling

  • Tend to be impatient with others emotions

  • Rather stubborn and unwilling to compromise , esp when they don’t undertstnad of agree with the rules or limits

  • Very irritated with inaccuracies or exaggerations from their parents

  • Willing to argue with anyone

  • Have trouble respecting adults who impose silly rules on them

  • Help them see the logical consequences between relationships

  • Every argument and decision has to be keenly logical for it to be accepted by the child

  • Set logical , rational and consistent rules

  • Do not push them into social situations they do not feel comfortable in

  • Must show interest in them by stopping, sitting quietly and patiently hear them out to get them to open up

ENTJ, ESTJ

Feeling

( Introverted )

Introverted feeling allows us to make decisions based on our personal values and feelings, instead of blindly following other's decisions. They are also very sensitive and emotional, and are very empathic. People who lack this preference may not be aware of their own and other's feelings, causing them to be harsh towards themselves and others.

  • Honest, direct and even blunt , they say exactly what’s on their minds, without regard to how other people might be affected

  • May find other’s reactions silly or not worth considering when they are in oppositions to their own

  • Its their way or the high way

  • Have no sense of empathy

  • Do not like people touching them

  • Value fairness a lot

  • Have little to no patience for delays or interruptions in their plans

  • Lack self-regulating skills, get too overwhelmed after socializing, need a lot of sleep to replenish their reserves

  • Bossy, stubborn and even aggressive, esp when things are not going their way

  • Must learn to share and compromise

  • Not naturally empathetic, don’t notice how their actions or words affect other people

  • Feel unnerved and frightened when experience new things and changes in plans

  • Tend to take on projects that may be too big or too difficult for them to realistically manage or finish

  • Refuse assistance, as it hurts their pride

  • Brush off constructive criticism or words of caution

  • May have an emotional outburst when they fail at something

  • Often not comfortable or completely at ease with their feelings

  • Have very private emotional lives

  • Hate to cry and will fight to hold back their tears even when they really are hurt

  • Too honest and blunt

  • Impatient, cannot wait around or deal with delays in plans

  • Too frank, may say something that unintentionally hurts other’s feelings

  • Not empathetic, may not understand why others are offended

  • Have no understanding of their own feelings, will deny they are feeling hurt or sad and instead express the feeling as anger

  • Need to learn to communicate their feelings and learn to be accepting and tolerant of other’s feelings

  • The more responsibility and control they have over themselves and their environment, the more willing they are to comply and help out

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  • Encourage them to use their imaginations to consider the impact of their behavior on people

  • Teach them a more polite way of refusing 

  • Respect them and tell them to respect others

  • Give them options to save face, do not shame or belittle them

  • Girls may feel pushed to feel things they do not and pressured to act in ways that are in contrast to their natural, internal view of themselves as strong and independent of other people’s needs

  • Girls may be pressured to be more feminine or act less sure of themselves, as being a strong and logical girl in this culture is very hard

  • Accept their strength and courage , and refrain from comparing them to more feminine girls

  • Boys need to be allowed to have moments of doubt, and emotional reactions , not toxic masculinity

  • Must let them understand why they are being asked to do something or why a change is really necessary

  • Use logic and humour while giving advice

© The Quirky Classroom

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